Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
