You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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