i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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