This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
