She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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