Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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