Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She bit a glass in half.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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