Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
