I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
