I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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