Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
