I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Come see our sink grown plant.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
