I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
