im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
