He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
