If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize