How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
