I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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