he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize