I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
