I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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