Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
whose ass print is on the piano?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize