just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want nice things and good sex
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
