I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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