I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i came on her dog
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
