got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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