She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
