Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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