you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
