I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
