Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize