someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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