Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
