there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
