sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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