At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it glows. i had to have it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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