Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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