the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Boobs speak an international language.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
