You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
