So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
