Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
