What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
