just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
