Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
