Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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