...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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