At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
