Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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