Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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