My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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