he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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