Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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