she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
