idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
