im about as happy as oj after his trial
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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