i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
