remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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