i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
