isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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