Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
