3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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