We're like a lot better than the average bears
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
