Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
