if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
