I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
