Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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