apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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