When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
