Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize