the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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