It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
