My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize